Mountain Musings




Well, we’ve finally arrived in the year 2020. Who’d-a-thunk we’d make it this far without encountering World War III? Uh… perhaps I spoke too soon. What the world could really use right now is a little levity so we can go out laughing. Nonetheless, I’m not getting any younger and I still have so many unanswered questions! (Credit goes to George Carlin for the following conundrums)


I still haven’t found out who let the dogs out…where’s the beef…why all flavors of Fruit Loops taste exactly the same…why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails…why “abbreviated” is such a long word…why there is a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator…why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons…why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections…why you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts.”


Why The Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune…why you just tried to sing those two previous songs…what exactly Victoria’s secret is…where’s Waldo?…why there’s a lock on the door at 7/Eleven when they are open 24/7…why we park on driveways and drive on parkways…what the best thing was before sliced bread.


Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets…if the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?…if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?…if it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?… why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?…if the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made of that stuff?…why is it that when you look at your watch and you look away, you still don’t know what time it is?…what does it mean to pre-board, do you get on before you get on?…how do they get the deer to cross at that yellow deer crossing road sign?


If a man is standing in the middle of a forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?…if you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?…why do croutons come in an airtight package; isn’t it just stale bread to begin with?…why is it called after dark when it really is after light?…if you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?…why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?…if work is so tremendous, why do they have to pay you to do it?…how is it possible to have a civil war?


And finally, why is it that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world?


Keep it flyin’ Uncle Mott