Mountain Musings


The Spider and the Fly


Lately, I’ve been dealing with a bug invasion. All sorts of critters, like gnats that keep swirling around while I’m in the kitchen prepping my morning grapefruit to go with a cup of Joe before I get serious about breakfast with some Frosty Flakes or Honey Smacks, bacon, eggs and hash browns.


Not too much of a problem with ants so far this year. Sometimes they’ll come inside when it rains. We used to get red fire ants in the back yard. I think they must have migrated from Brazil. I used to get attacked by them while weed eating. Why, they’d run up my legs and bite where the sun don’t shine. I sprayed a whole bunch of Black Flag down their hole and haven’t seen any more since.


Then there’s the spiders that come out at night and bite me while I’m in wink-away-land. Fortunately, the black widows are smart enough to remain outdoors, cowardly hiding in the recesses between the trim and siding. The cats do a pretty good job of ridding us of spiders, moths, mice, rats, gophers and anything else that moves. Spiders are creepy and I truly detest them. It’s enough to drive a man to drinkin’.


Sittin’, drinkin’, sinkin’, drinkin’, wonderin’ what I’d do when I’m through tonight. Smokin’, mopin’, maybe just hopin’ some little girl will pass on by. I remember what she said, she said, “My, my, my, don’t tell lies, keep fidelity in your head. When you’re done, you should go to bed. Don’t say hi, like a spider to a fly, jump right ahead and you’re dead. (“The Spider and the Fly” – The Rolling Stones – 1965)


Ladybugs are cute and they usually don’t come inside, so I leave them alone, not to mention that they help pollinate our rose garden, and bees are OK, as long as they don’t come into the house and, if they do, I just shoo them away, not to mention (Did I just hear an echo? I already said “not to mention” in the previous sentence) they also make honey for my Smacks.


Even stranger are the Burying Beetles, with Union Oil orange balls on their antennae, that bounce off of your window screen when they’re attracted by light. Lately, I’ve been getting huge mosquito-lookin’ flyin’ bugs. About 10 or 20 will fly inside every time I open the front or back door at night. I think they’re mosquito hawks, but they are still annoyin’ when they fly around my desk lamp, with kitties lunging at them. Not to worry, though, I keep a squirt bottle of Windex nearby. One or two squirts usually does them in. If not, I bring in the big gun, a squirt can of Right Guard.


The common housefly is particularly disgusting, because they’re hatched in garbage and on doggy poo and then land on something you’re about to eat. It’s Windex time whenever I see one. All I can say is… “Don’t say hi, like a spider to a fly, jump right ahead and you’re dead.”


Keep it flyin’, (the flag, not bugs) Uncle Mott