Mountain Musings


The Taxman Cometh


It’s that of the year. Yes, it’s that dreaded time of year again when the taxman comes knock, knock, knocking at your door.


Let me tell you how it will be; there’s one for you, nineteen for me, ‘cause I’m the taxman. Yeah, I’m the taxman. (“Taxman” – The Beatles – 1966)


It’s a double-whammy, what with federal and state taxes due, this year, on April 18. Why the 18th, you ask. They gave us three days extra this year because the 16th is a federal holiday, Emancipation Day, in Washington, D.C. When the date falls on a Saturday, which it does this year, it is recognized on Friday, which is the 15th, and city and federal offices are closed.


Confused? Yeah, me too. But that’s not all; it’s not just a double-whammy, it’s a triple-whammy since property taxes were already due on the 11th.


Should five percent appear too small, be thankful I don’t take it all, ‘cause I’m the taxman. Yeah, I’m the taxman.


Even though I complain – hey, that’s what I get paid to do – I don’t mind shelling out my hard-earned dough, as long as it’s spent responsibly and wisely on improvements and services for the community in which I reside. For instance, I still haven’t figured out why the county wants me to pay $85 on my property tax bill twice a year for trash service, when I’m already paying Mountain Disposal (Burrtec) $76 a month for the same thing. And, to add insult to injury, they get even more cash for the trash they recycle.


And what about these corporation CEOs that make millions, if not billions, and then get off scot free and wind up paying little or no taxes at all? How can they do this when the little guy like me that pays through the nose year-after-year… and I admit that I have a rather prominent proboscis.


Say, did you know, if your nose runs and your feet smell, then you must be built upside down? I don’t mind paying the $2.30 a year I’m assessed for the county’s Vector Control Department (mosquito abatement). You might want to drain all that leftover water from the recent rainstorms and melting snow, so we don’t have all those nasty vectors buzzing around these parts. I hate it when they buzz around my ear and then go Zap! and then drill like vampires into my ear lobe for blood…. just like the IRS.


I wish the county had a more effective Snow Abatement Department, one that would not leave a three- to four-foot berm at the end of my driveway, especially after spending two hours digging it out.


Like it or not, all these taxes are due and payable this week, so unless you like paying penalties and late fees don’t forget to pay up on time.


If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street. If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat. If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat. If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet…’cause I’m the taxman. Yeah, I’m the taxman.


Keep it flyin’, Uncle Mott