Santa Claus Is Coming to Town


Well, it won’t be long before Jolly old Saint Nick comes plunging down my chimney. Actually, I believe he will have a very hard time plunging down my chimney. What I mean is that I’ve noticed the jolly old elf has put on quite a few more pounds of late, if you know what I mean. I’m pretty sure he would get stuck in my chimney.


Guess I’ll leave the back door unlocked and put out some cookies and milk for him, or her, if you know what I mean, and what I mean is that anyone who dresses up in that kind of getup could, well never mind. Anyway, I suppose I could leave out some rabbit food for Rudolph and the boys.


As for me, I prefer eggnog and I like it with some high-octane propellent.


So, I wuz driving down the highway in the Mottmobile, when I got pulled over by a member of the law enforcement community. “Uh, oh,” I thought to myself, I had best be very careful what I say to the gentleman. So, he comes strolling up to my car, and I rolled down the window and asked, “What’s up, doc?” Then he said, “Get out of the car, and no funny business, mister.”


I did what he asked, and then he said , “Would you please recite the alphabet backwards?” “Okay, I’ll do the best I can. Say, ocifer are you trying to say that I am under the affluence of inkahol? …hic!” So, I started reciting the alphabet backwards. “Let’s see now there’s a z somewhere, and next comes j, followed by c, y, d and v” “So, how did I do ocifer, uh sir?” “Why you passed with flying colors, son. Have a nice day and keep driving responsibly.”


“Whew, that wuz a close call,” I thought to myself, as I wuz about to cry.


“Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town.” (“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Michael Bublé – 2011) Hmm? I’m pretty sure Bing Crosby has Bublé beat by quite a few years.


Well, it’s time to go Christmas shopping. I think I’ll drive down to Macy’s at Inland Center Mall. Well, perhaps not, after all, I recently wrote about Shopping on Top, so I pulled into Lake Arrowhead Village, which has some nice high-end apparel shops. I picked out a nice flannel shirt for one of my sons and some Levis for the older boy. Shhh!


Don’t tell them. And for the Missus, well, that’s a secret and I’m not about blow it cuz I’ve got it sittn’ in plain sight in our bedroom closet. Man, will she ever be surprised?


Well, I’ve got to go now and finish writing my list.


“He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice, Santa Claus is coming to town.”


Keep it flyin’, Uncle Mott