Mountain Musings


Alice’s Restaurant


This week’s Thanksgiving, as always, is a delight. It’s a gift from the Pilgrims and it’s a time to be grateful for all that we have.


I don’t know about you, but I will be most thankful for the yummy turkey dinner, along with smashed potatoes and turkey gravy, cramberry sauce… excuse me, I meant to say cranberry sauce, it was just a little typo and so was smashed potatoes.


Oh, and there’s also turkey dressing and canned yams, and let us not forget the delicious, homemade pumpkin pie, with whipped cream on top. See, no funny business that time. I was a good boy and made no trypos or misstrakes… Opps!


Anyway, I just love chomping down on a big juicy drumstick. Oh, by the way, do you know why turkeys are such good drummers? It’s obvious… Because they have their own drumsticks.


Well, I think it’s time for a good Thanksgiving song. “Which one do you like dear Rhea, my ‘child bride?’” “Alice’s Restaurant, It’s all about havin’ Thanksgiving dinner.”


“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant. Walk right in it’s just a half a mile from the railroad track. You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant.” (“Alice’s Restaurant” – Arlo Guthrie – 1967)


I must mention that my favorite part of the turkey is the drumstick (Don’t worry, no more drumstick jokes). So, I sez to Rhea. “You know what? Everytime I see a turkey, I want a leg, but when I see you, baby, I just wanna neck.” …


Okay, so I lied.


So, when dinner was over and it was time to get rid of the garbage, guess what? I got in the good old Mottmobile, drove to the dump but the dang dump was closed… what should I do? Well, luckily for me there was a cliff right next to the dump, there was nowhere else to dump it, so I took all my trash and garbage and tossed it right down.


My big mistake was leaving an envelope with my name and address on it, and my phone number on the letter inside.


So, guess what? You’re right, the sheriff calls me on the phone. Does this scenario sound familiar?


“Next morning when we got a phone call from Officer Obie. He said, “Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half-ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it.” And I said, “Yes sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage.”


I must admit that was some pretty poor behavior. But just like the current TV commercial where the guy throws out all the cash out onto the roadway, I knew I had to go back and pick it up. And, because I told the truth, the sheriff let me go.


Oh, by the way, do you know why the turkey was put in jail? You got it. It was because the police suspected fowl play.


“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant.”


Keep it flyin’(Gobble, gobble) Uncle Mott