With Halloween coming up in just a few days, let’s take a look at the history of this spooky holiday. Though it’s been celebrated for over a century in the United States, it’s not celebrated in any other area of the globe. Take for instance Great Britain, where my friend Helen of Leeds resides. By the way, Leeds is where The Who recorded their epic album “Live at Leeds.”
According to Helen, Halloween is never celebrated in England, but then they don’t celebrate the Fourth of July, either. What’s the matter with those Brits; how disrespectful and unpatriotic is that? Oh, wait I seem to recall them getting snookered in the Battle of Yorktown. I have a feeling that Cornwallis will be rolling in his grave, come Halloween eve. Well, get your spooky costumes, masks and makeup ready for a scary adventure a few days from now.
“I was working in the lab, late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight for my monster from his slab, began to rise and suddenly to my surprise, he did the Mash, he did the Monster Mash. It was a graveyard smash, it caught on in a flash, he did the Monster Mash.” (“The Monster Mash” – Bobby Boris Pickett – 1962)
Okay, so let’s compare how much Americans spend on holidays on the average. Christmas, as usual, leads the pack at $1,000 per household. Valentine’s Day is next at $142, followed by Mother’s Day at $124. (What a bunch of cheapskates; come on Dad, you can do better than that).
Now let us compare Halloween to those amounts. Last year, it seems the average family spent $162, which puts it now at second place. So, you guys would rather spend more on candy, makeup and costumes than you do on Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day? Why, those holidays are sacred. You’d think people should shower mom with more than a measly $124. Dude, you had best straighten up and fly right; $124 my foot!
By the way, did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell, you must be built upside down? Ha, ha, ha. Oh, wait, I already used that one. Let’s see, how about one that will keep you on your toes? (Now, that in itself is kinda funny). Here’s another one: What do you call a business started by a foot? Answer: A sole proprietorship, of course. Clever, but I like this next one: Why are kings only one foot tall? Okay, you with your hand up. What, because they only have one foot. Get ‘outta here…. It’s because they are a ruler.
Anyway, let’s get back to Halloween. Take it from this wise, old sage… kids, take a flashlight with you if you go trick or treating, so you can see where you are going, never a candle ‘cuz it could catch your costume on fire. And as far as candy goes, take it from me, dump the candy corn and let the squirrels eat it. And kids, take a parent with you to ensure your safety.
“He did the mash, it was the Monster Mash.”
Keep it flyin’, Uncle Mott