Eat It


Given the lack of diversity of fast-food joints on this mountain – currently, mostly burgers and Mexican fare – I got to thinkin’ about it and came up with a few ideas of my own about what might be suitable for the former Burger King restaurant on Highway 173 near the entrance to Lake Arrowhead Village.


If I had the money and inclination to start such an enterprise at this high traffic corner, I’d do it myself, but I don’t, so never mind that. But someone else might be willing to invest in what would seem to be a popular and profitable venture.


I know what you’re thinkin’ – In-N-Out. Sorry, there are already several burger joints in the immediate vicinity, not to mention that In-N-Out is not about to put one of its outlets anywhere else than at the end of a freeway off-ramp. It seems to me that a decent fried chicken joint would be awfully tasty, something like Col. Chicken’s finger lickin’ good fried chicken. There hasn’t been a decent fried chicken joint in these parts since Pioneer Chicken set up shop in Blue Jay back in the ‘80s.


Here’s another idea: how ‘bout Popeye’s? Well, you know what Adam Sandler always says, “Popeye’s is the schiznit,” which is… well, you know… the Schiznit!


Well, dogone it, all this talk of fried chicken and burgers is starting’ to make me hungry. I do believe I will partake of some fried chicken.


“I don’t care if you’re full, just eat it, eat it, eat it, open up your mouth and feed it. Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam, it doesn’t matter if it’s fresh or canned, just eat it, eat it, eat it. Don’t you make me repeat it.” (“Eat It” – Weird Al Yankovic – 1984)


OK, here’s a quiz. Do you know what’s really weird? OK, you with the raised hand… What, the weird weather we’ve had around here lately? What’s really weird is…Al Yankovic.


All right, here’s another idea: how ‘bout Arby’s? There’s nuthin’ else ‘round here that’s anythin’ like it, and besides, as Wendy always says… “Where’s the beef? Oh, wait, wrong restaurant. That would be, “We’ve got the meat.”


My next and final suggestion is … and the suspense is building… The Sizzler. Why, because there’s a lot of us old codgers up here who love a decent steak or prime rib dinner at a fairly reasonable price. And their salad bar is to die for… “Please don’t shoot!”… just kiddin’, but it is the best dang salad bar this side of Cask ‘n Cleaver. MMMMM, that was good… burp.


Well, I gotta get goin’, the wife is havin’ a fit about all these dirty dishes.


“Have some more chicken, have some more pie, it don’t matter if it’s broiled or fried, just eat it, eat it, eat it…”


Keep it fryin’, Uncle Mott