Mountain Musings


Queen of the Supermarket


When I went to the grocery store the other day, it seemed like everybody and their brother had the same idea. It was just like back in March, when the governor shut almost everything down, except for essential businesses like grocery stores, and mandated that folks self-isolate in their homes.


Well, the well-meaning governor has done it again, and we’re expected to stay cooped up in our homes and not travel anywhere over the upcoming holidays.


So, getting back to the grocery store, it was like Grand Central Station in there with wall-to-wall people and stuff flyin’ off the shelves… it’s what I like to call “Panic Shopping.”


“There’s a wonderful world where all you desire and everything you’ve longed for is at your fingertips, where aisles and aisles of dreams await you, and the cool promise of ecstasy fills the air, at the end of the working day, she’s waiting there. I’m in love with the Queen of the Supermarket. As the evening sky turns blue, a dream awaits in aisle number two.” (“Queen of the Supermarket” – Bruce Springsteen – 2009)


Fortunately, they were not out of beer. That’s the one thing that the missus never remembers to get. She always loads up on stupid stuff like milk, rice, cruciferous veggies and fish… yuck! And this is precisely why I always insist on doing the grocery shopping… it’s the only way I can guarantee getting the things I like – smoked applewood bacon to complement my hot, buttered Danish roll for breakfast and some Cabernet Sauvignon to complement my New York steak and, of course, some dark chocolate to go with the cabernet… hey, the doctor said they’re both heart-healthy (the dark chocolate and red wine, that is, not all the other stuff).


So, as I rounded the corner and approached the beer department, I spotted a bloke latching onto the last carton of Stella Artois. “Oh no,” I thought to myself, that carton of Stella was meant for me. I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t listen, so I had to settle for my second favorite beer, the one that was the beer of choice at Tustin High School so long ago, Coors Original.


Next, I headed for the paper products aisle, and what do you know, two more blokes were pulling and tugging at the very last bag of my favorite, extra-soft bathroom tissue, again just like last March. So, once again, I had to settle for second best, a brand from China that’s made out of bamboo and is much akin to sandpaper. “Ouch!,” I thought to myself as I headed toward the checkout stand at aisle number two.


“I’m in love with the Queen of the Supermarket, there’s nothing I can say. Each night, I take my groceries and I drift away, and I drift away.”


Keep it flyin’, Uncle Mott