I hope I’m not being presumptive or rude in thinking that, after reading your weekly column for over a year, you must be a fellow senior citizen. May I pick your brain as to why at just 75 years old, I am suddenly falling apart, lethargic and pretty much done with the whole darned thing?
Yes, I know there are plenty of activities up on the mountain for the aging. Yes, I know all about bowling on Thursdays with other old farts at Rim Lanes and the nutritional lunches on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the San Moritz Lodge. The problem is: I JUST DON’T WANT TO GO! And, please don’t suggest that I give back by driving for Mountain Meals on Wheels, because they are delivering lunches to me!
I haven’t showered in three days, and who cares? My sciatica is a constant thorn in my side. Both knees have chosen to leave the building. Worse than that, I have actually slept a full 12 hours, because the dog never woke me. She just let it go in her diaper, while my fear of being more than a dozen feet from a toilet has taken over my life. Sitting for hours at a time is my new sport. When we got a little snow, I never went out to dig the berm; I just let it melt.
I’m in dire need of some Gung-Ho advice. Help!
Old Codger in CPP
Dear Old Codger,
Slowing down is just part of the process. After all, you don’t want to be moving too fast because you might break something and, as we all know, that is pretty much the beginning of the end. From the ambulance to the emergency room to surgery to recovery and rehabilitation to the skilled nursing home – or SNF, as the insurance companies like to call them – to Heaven’s Gate. Bam! One little broken hip and it’s over, partner.
Is that really what you want?
I believe that you are just in a slump, having joint pain issues that are disrupting your previous daily routine. Buck up and start MOVING! I read somewhere that sitting for long periods of time can bring on obesity, increased blood pressure, high blood sugar, excess body fat around the waist and unhealthy cholesterol levels. Basically, whereas smoking was previously the bad guy, sitting is the new sin. Don’t give in to it!
Invest in a treadmill or stationary bike. You can watch reruns of Diagnostic Murder starring Dick Van Dyke while you sweat. Dick is in his 90s and is still tap dancing. He’s also married to a busty babe 40 years his junior. Just a thought!
Don’t let us down. We look forward to meeting you at Rim Lanes very soon.
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
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