Dear Sidney,

I’ve lived a colorful and full life. I’ve had three untrustworthy husbands and three children, one per husband.

Recently, husband No. 3 returned to the mountain. He explained to me that the reason he mysteriously didn’t come home one night 18 years ago was because he chose another woman, his pregnant girlfriend, over me and our child, age 3.

Through social services I was able to get some child support, but he never visited with our daughter. Their child is on his own and off to college. Our child is living with me and is studying to be a marriage and family counselor.  No. 3 wants to move in, make amends and resume the life we enjoyed many years ago.

During these last 18 years, I’ve never found a satisfactory relationship. I’ve bounced from one trailer-park romance to another, dragging my three kids behind me.

Remarkably, the spark I first had with husband No. 3 is still there. He’s the only one that can scratch the itch. I would ask our daughter for advice, but she’s not licensed yet.

Should I give No. 3 another try?

Enchanted in V.O.E.

Dear Enchanted,

A train left the station at noon going 40 mph. A second (or, in your case, a third) train left at 3 p.m. going 60 mph. At what time will the second train catch up to the first? Answer: 18 years.

It’s impossible to answer your question. There are too many variables. Is husband No. 3 financially reliable or have all his charge cards been canceled? Is he married to the girlfriend or is he still married to you? Do you have equity in a home or do you rent a cabin on Waters Drive? Can you truly forgive and forget?

Everybody loves somebody sometime. Best of luck to you.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.