Dear Sidney,

I enjoy reading your advice column, but I’m at a quandary as to some of the strange questions you have answered. I truly was unaware as to just how many conflicted souls choose to live above 4800 feet in a dense forest. Well, I guess I’m one of them.

My question to you is tantamount to a should I stay or should I go situation.

Whoa is me. I’ve experienced the assassination of both John and Robert Kennedy; the cruelty bestowed on our soldiers returning from Vietnam; terrorists flying planes into buildings; protests against this; protests against that; the raging mobs; the torched trashcans; the serial killers; the pedophiles; the home invaders; the woke jokesters; and on and on. Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance to our flag on Memorial Day, I found it hard to say “one nation under God.”

God has abandoned our country; He has taken a step back and let the devil have his day, and I can’t take it anymore. I canceled Spectrum cable; no more fake news for me.

I am delving into the idea of becoming an ex-pat on a beach in Mexico. I hear that the police there are pretty tough on lawbreakers and every citizen prays to the Blessed Mary. Her statue is literally everywhere.

I’m alone and retired. Will I regret turning my back on the United States of America?

Traitor in Crestline

Dear Traitor,

Pink dune buggies; sparkling oceans; street tacos on the beach; ice cold beer in a bucket on the sand; steaming lobster drenched in butter—shall I go on?

If I could ever convince my better half here at the Sidney cabin, I’d catch up with you in a heartbeat. Not going to happen. We have to stay put so that the grandkids can fly into Ontario airport and visit us for a week every other year.

Think of me while dipping your feet into the (south) Pacific.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.