Dear Sidney,

So I’ve had it. During the storm, a neighbor’s tree falls and crashes onto my fence and I get to pay for the repair. Rats nest in the insulation in the buildup, tear it all down, and I get to pay for the repair. A lost 18-wheeler barrels down my street and takes out the shade tree over my driveway. The trucker’s insurance pays for the removal of the tree, but not to cut it up for firewood, and now I have the sun beating down on my car. The new husband in the house behind me decides that he owns my retaining wall and all the property running through my driveway to the street.
When I bought my 1930 cabin 15 years ago, the plan was to retire here in the forest, enjoy the lake and to live cheaply in peace and quiet. It has become impossible to even take a stroll around the lake without tripping over a tent stake. Both shores of the swimming areas at Lake Gregory are so crowded with easy-ups and people that you can’t see the sand. I’d sure like to enjoy one more cheeseburger from the little shack on the North Shore, but is it even open? I tell ya, I can still smell the red onions on the grill, a memory from my childhood and once again in 2012.
There used to be free summer concerts at Lake Arrowhead Village. Now you have to reserve an expensive picnic table and three inches of cheap wine in a plastic cup goes for $10. So the party people from all over the mountain are heading over to Crestline on Friday nights for music and beer on the sand. Too loud and too crowded for me. Then there’s that Corks & Hops thing that makes it impossible to drive through Top Town village without maiming someone tipsy in the street. I tell ya, it’s become a jungle out there.
Am I being an old fogey? Or do I share the same feelings as most of the residents on this side of the mountain?

Old Codger in Crestline

Dear Old Codger,

So you’re an old fogey up to no good, huh? Well, come join the frustrated senior population of Crestline. And if you don’t have a big old dog, get one; you’ll need one to kick.
Just kidding.
Attention! You live in paradise. The kids from foreign lands down the hill are returning to school. The swim park will be empty soon. Time enough before the Labor Day slam to swim the lake and have that cheeseburger with plenty of red onions and Thousand Island dressing, too. Of course, never ever attempt a lake day on the weekend. Wednesdays might be best. (I can’t guarantee that the snack bar will be open, so don’t blame me if you end up eating at McDonald’s across the street.)
And as far as driving around on the first Saturday of each month during Corks & Hops, we both know you never leave the house after the post office closes at 2:00 p.m. As far as the Lake Arrowhead summer concerts go, we both know you never drive after dark, so that’s out anyway.
For daytime companionship and complaint hour, visit other old folks and have a nice lunch at the San Moritz Lodge at noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sign up for membership with the Crest Forest Senior Citizens Club and get that coveted parking pass. I’ll be there kicking the dog, if Penny lets him in.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.