Seven men were recently arrested for the theft of an 18-karat gold toilet from Blenheim Palace, the sprawling English mansion where British wartime leader Winston Churchill was born. The toilet, valued at $5.95 million, was an artwork that was intended to be a satire about excessive wealth. Even though the men were arrested, there was no evidence, so you might call this a case that has “nowhere to go.”
London police said that, because the toilet had been connected to the palace’s plumbing system, its removal caused significant damage and flooding to the 18th-century building.
I see the bad moon a-risin’, I see trouble on the way. I see earthquakes and lightnin,’ I see bad times today. I hear a hurricane’s a-blowin’, I fear the river’s overflowin.’ Don’t go around tonight, it’s bound to take your life, there’s a bathroom on the right. (All apologies to Creedence Clearwater Revival for this oft misunderstood lyric.)
Speaking of going, I hate that fancy new toilet paper with the cute curlicue design that shreds as you pull it off the role. Good grief, how can you “enjoy the go” when that happens. Well, at least it’s not as bad as the cardboard-like toilet paper that was the only thing available during the COVID pandemic. By the way, I’m annoyed when someone replaces the roll, so that the paper comes from the back of the roll, instead of the front, where it’s supposed to be.
The gold toilet was fully functioning and, before the theft, visitors to the exhibition could book a three-minute appointment to use it. If anyone out there finds it, let me know, I’d sure like to install it here at the stately Motley Manor and take a shot at it, if you’ll excuse the expression. When I’m finished enjoying the go, I would sell it to someone who lives in one of those fancy-shmancy waterfront homes on the north shore of Lake Arrowhead. If they could afford an 18-karat gold toilet, surely they could afford a gold crown to make them feel like a king, or queen, as the case may be.
Here’s something else I bet you didn’t know: The first toilet was invented in 1861by Sir Thomas Crapper, who was hired by Prince Edward (later King Edward VII). Although Crapper didn’t invent the modern “john” (that’s another term I shall soon address), Crapper was the first to display his wares in a showroom.
Now, getting back to the term “john,” I once knew a rather large kid at Tustin High School whose name was John Buster. Need I say more? I think not.
Well, I gotta be moseyn’ on down the line. Be sure to log onto our Alpine Mountaineer website to listen to one of my recent musings, which are also heard on Redlands-based KQLH – 92.5 on the FM dial.
I hear a hurricane’s a-blowin’, I fear the river’s overflowin.’ Don’t go around tonight, it’s bound to take your life, there’s a bathroom on the right.
Keep it flyin,’
Uncle Mott
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