Hello there, music lovers. I hope you like Electric Light Orchestra, for their song “Telephone Line” is, naturally, about telephones, and that’s what this week’s musing is all about…or aboot, as Canadians might say. Anyway, getting back to telephones, my cell phone, or “cellular telephone,” as Dennis Labadie, the previous publisher of this newspaper (which was The Alpenhorn News at the time) would require us writers to say. Otherwise, he would get all bent out of shape.
Speaking of bent out of shape, that’s exactly what happened to my trustworthy and loyal Mottmobile a few weeks ago, when it hit a rock or something and went flyin’ off the I-40 freeway at 80 mph into the desert brush and onto a lava field, out by Newbury Springs on the way back from a weekend in Laughlin. Well, we tried to save her by taking her to the car doctor, Dr. Mercedes Bentley, but it was too late, she had already bitten the big one. By the way, the rumors of my demise – thanks to Facebook – are obviously exaggerated.
Now, what was I talkin’ ‘bout, oh, yes, cell phones. Mine seems to have a mind of its own, you see, because it’s an android…just like a robot named Lisa that calls me every day, trying to upgrade my Spectrum service, when I don’t even have Spectrum. Actually, I have Frontier phone service and Direct TV. But I digress.
My cell phone is always making weird sounds like ding, ding, ding, chirp and Glurp! I think ding, ding means I have a text message, but I don’t text, never learned how. They never explain this stuff to you when you buy a cell phone and there’s no owner’s manual. I suppose I could ask any 7-year-old and they would know all about it. You know what else is weird, I mean besides Weird Al Yankovic? Ha, ha, I got you on that one. What else is weird is that I only use my landline and reserve the cell phone for making phone calls, taking photos or listening to music when I’m on the road. Speakin’ of music, “hears” some for ya.
Hello, how are you? Have you been alright through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights? That’s what I’d say, I’d tell you everything if you pick up that telephone, yeah, yeah, yeah. (“Telephone Line -Electric Light Orchestra – 1976)
And, speakin’ of Frontier, which I already did, they plan to install a fiber optic cable to the stately Motley Manor, sometime in October. They say they’re doin’ this all across the fruited plain, and the Missus is plain furious because without copper wire our landline phone won’t work when the power is out and neither will the Wi-Fi. I phoned them to complain, and they said there would be a battery backup, but another technician said the battery isn’t very reliable and only lasts a few hours. What if there’s an emergency and we have to call for help – what’s the answer?
Okay, so no one’s answering. Well, can’t you just let it ring a little longer, longer, longer, I’ll just sit tight.
Keep it flyin’,
Uncle Mott
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