Lately, I’ve been dealing with a bug invasion. All sorts of critters, like gnats that keep swirling around while I’m in the kitchen prepping my morning grapefruit to go with a cup of joe before I get serious about breakfast with some Frosty Flakes (please don’t change it to Frosted Flakes or Honey Smacks), bacon, eggs and hash browns. But I always get even with them, as I don’t want that extra protein in my meal.
I’ve not had too much of a problem with ants so far this year. Sometimes they’ll come inside, invading everywhere when it rains. We used to get red fire ants in the backyard. I think they migrated from Brazil. Anyway, I used to get attacked by them while weed eating.
Why, they’d run up my legs and bite where the sun don’t shine, so I sprayed a whole bunch of Black Flag down their hole and haven’t seen any more since, well, except for that little white truce flag poking out of the hole, looking kinda like a tiny drink umbrella.
Then there’s the spiders that come out at night and bite me while I’m in wink-away-land. (In that new Progressive Insurance TV commercial for instance, Flo sez, ‘you eat 8 spiders each night.’ I sure hope not, but some mornings I have awoken not hungry.) (?). Fortunately, the black widows are smart enough to remain outdoors, cowardly hiding in the recesses between my trim and siding. I’m sure I prefer it that way.
Lucky for me, my cats do a pretty good job of ridding us of spiders, rats, gophers, lizards and anything else that dares to move, especially at night. Spiders are creepy and I truly detest them. It’s enough to drive a man to drinking.
Sittin’ drinkin,’wonderin’ what I’d do when I’m through tonight. Smokin’, mopin’, maybe just hopin’ some little girl will pass on by. I remember what she said. She said, My, my, my, don’t tell lies, keep fidelity in your head. When you’re done, you should go to bed. Don’t say hi, like a spider to a fly. Jump right ahead and you’re dead.
(“The Spider and the Fly,” The Rolling Stones -1965)
Lady bugs are cute and they usually don’t come inside, so I leave them alone, not to mention they help pollinate our rose garden, and bees are OK, as long as they don’t come into the house and, if they do, I just shoo them away, not to mention (Did I just hear an echo? I just said “not to mention” in the previous sentence) they also make honey for my Sugar Smacks. Even stranger are the Burying Beetles (No relation to the Beatles) with orange balls on their antennae, that bounce off your window screen when they’re attracted by light. Any flying bugs are so annoyin’ when they fly around my desk lamp, especially with my kitties lunging at them.
It’s just not my forte, although Fabian is. (Fabian Forte was a teen recording artist in the late 50s and 60s, loved by his teenage followers. With teen hit records including “Tiger,” “Turn me Loose” and “Hound Dog Man,” to name just a few.
Keep it flyin’
Uncle Mott
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