Dear Sidney,

The man across the street is bipolar and obsessed with our lives. We try to ignore him, but he purposely tries to get attention by doing crazy things. What can we do?

Stalked and Scared

Dear Stalked and Scared,

This is a sad state of affairs. I feel your pain. Unfortunately, as I understand the current anti-victim woke culture, until he approaches you with physical threats, harms you or your property, or fires a rocket through your front door, you’re stuck. I suppose you can file a restraining order against him for mooning in your direction, but I doubt that it would be granted. But wait! Isn’t public nudity a crime of some sort?
Is it possible for you to build a six-foot fence to shield you from his voyeurism?
Planting shrubs that in time will become a fortress is always a great idea. But in the meantime, when taking out the trash, try exchanging that itsy bitsy yellow polka dot bikini for a an old stained sweat suit – it’s getting a bit chilly out there – to dissuade his obsession.
It’s obvious to me that you don’t live in an HOA, where they have strict rules about such things, which is the only reason you’ll ever catch me living in one of those darned restrictive communities. Good luck to you!

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.