Dear Sidney,

I’m heartbroken. Foolishly I took on a fling with the handsome landlord of several tawdry vacation rentals on my street. I thought I could handle a romance with, as he insisted, no strings attached. Alas, I now have a noose around my neck and it’s getting tighter and tighter.
He dropped me, of course, without explanation, and now I get to watch him every other day, if not everyday, checking the hordes of ghastly tenants in and out. I’m embarrassed to sit on my front porch for fear he will think I’m stalking him. He has cameras everywhere!
Slum landlord, he is. His guests break every short-term rental regulation, and he lets them. There are 10 to 12 people partying day and night in a two-bedroom/one-bath cabin. Beat-up trucks and cars fill the yard and line up on both sides of the street. Children are let loose to build snowmen in my driveway.
I’m not a revengeful person, but should I report this dreadful activity to San Bernardino County Code Enforcement? I can’t afford to move.

Stuck in Twin Peaks

Dear Stuck,

The first rule of romance is to never pee where you eat. You broke that rule and will now have to go through the miserable withdrawals from your love-drug euphoria and the bitter collapse of your serotonin high. Gin martinis may help.
Separating the loss of enjoyment of life issue from the unrequited love issue, here is the website for short-term rental complaints: sbcounty-str-complaints.deckard.com.
Happy New Year and good luck in 2023!

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.