Dear Sidney,

Truthfully, I am officially an old maid. Nine years ago, I fell tragically and magically in love with a young, handsome, soulful priest in our parish. I see him as often as I can: weekly Bingo, two Sunday services, and as a frequent flyer in his confession booth.

Of course, I’ve kept this non-romance close to my chest, but my chest is about to burst wide open. There’s absolutely no one else for me. What can I do?

Miss Thornbird in CPP

Dear Miss Thornbird,

Sadly, you’ve given your innocent heart away to an extremely unavailable young man. I don’t know that having a fling with the clergy is every woman’s fantasy, but you might get satisfaction by attending an Episcopal church.

Episcopal Church bishops and priests can be married; a confession to God alone in prayer is sufficient for the forgiveness of sins and the vestments, including the rochet and chimere, and the miter are quite attractive and colorful.

Go in peace, my dear.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.