Dear Sidney,

I’m still shaking and pounding my fists. What in the heck has got into people?

This morning, after feeding peanuts to the very friendly squirrels—there are just two in the family now, as Big Thumper was hit in the head before the snowstorm—and pacifying the jays, the dog and I started on our walk. Mama squirrel followed and then took a quick uphill left and sat in the street.

I heard the approach of a speeding car to my right making the curve. I stepped out a bit to flag the unfamiliar car down. I pointed uphill. “Squirrel,” I said. She slowed down just long enough to share with me her thoughts.

“You made me stop for a G-D squirrel? You’re a F-G idiot.” She was, obviously, in labor with contractions seconds apart and headed for Mountains Community Hospital.

Mama scurried up a tree to allow the driver to pass. I stood there dumbfounded, irritated and sad. The gray squirrels in Crestline disappeared for many years and now they’ve come back. It’s a blessed revival! After all, I’m sure squirrels inhabited the forest before humans did.

I wonder if that cruel woman stopped for a pothole or two or three on her travel across the mountain. I can see her cussing and shaking a nasty fist at them all.

Do you have any advice on how I can stop shaking?

Distressed in Crestline

Dear Distressed,

I’m at a loss for words here. I think you said it all.

The world is a cruel place. Bless you and your loving heart. How can I stop shaking?

Sidney

P.S. I’m an old-fashioned squirrel lover, too.

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.