Dear Sidney  6-1-23

Jun 4, 2023 | Dear Sidney

Dear Sidney,

My live-in significant other of eight years has me whirling out of control. And here’s why.

In early November of 2022, I presented her with a proposal of marriage, a pretty nice diamond ring, and a Golden Retriever pup. Needless to say, she jumped for joy and exclaimed, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” We immediately began planning for the big day. Making the non-refundable down payment from our combined savings, we reserved the San Moritz Lodge for our outdoor wedding and whopping reception. The bride-to-be booked the caterer and disc jockey, and from our savings went the reservation fees. May 27th couldn’t come soon enough.

And then on February 22nd, it began to snow.

The three of us were snowed in and snowed out for three weeks. During that time, the weight of the snow toppled a 30-foot treetop, complete with billowing branches, into our backyard, smashing our redwood fence into pieces. The pup had doubled in size, but could not be allowed outside alone without a fenced-in yard. My girlfriend had become so attached to Reggie that she panicked. “I’m canceling the wedding. We need that money to get the tree removed and to rebuild the fence. There are bears out there!”

“Calm down. What about all those Save the Date postcards you sent out?”

Well, I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since. How do I fix this? Or is it obvious that after being snowbound, she no longer wants to marry me?

Left at the Altar


Dear Left,

My premiere advice to you is to never ever tell a woman to “calm down.”

Ah, the rippling effects of Snowmagedden 2023.

You did not state as to whether you own your place or are renting, so I won’t get into the ins and outs of homeowner’s insurance when it comes to repairing or replacing fences. However, I do know from experience that FEMA will not reimburse one darned dime toward fixing fences.

What a shame that your former bride-to-be has chosen the needs of her dog over your needs, wants, and desires. But I do believe you have answered your own question.

By the way, I never received one of your Save the Date postcards and I’m gosh darned offended.







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