Dear Sidney – 6/29/23

Jun 29, 2023 | Dear Sidney

Dear Sidney,

I came out of Snowmagedden OK. The snow melted, spring hit with a whisper and baseball season began. I’m 75 years old and am chemically addicted to a married, gorgeous, 26-year-old rookie MLB player. No amount of gin martinis can sway me, although he hasn’t made it to first base for the last six games.

I thought, perhaps, the problem was the sparse goatee he was trying to cultivate or the new swaggering gold chain. But he has shaved off the facial hair and the chain is tucked away, and he still can’t hit one darned ball! It breaks my heart and brings me to tears.

The real problem, however, is my husband of 50 years. The curmudgeon is threatening to turn in the cable box if I don’t get ahold of myself and stop crying over the martini olives. During the seventh-inning stretch and after a six-pack, he’s hammering me about my ridiculous emotional attachment to a rookie center fielder. He just doesn’t get it!

I’ve sat through a decade of women’s mud wrestling without one complaint from me. Why won’t he have some compassion for my secret innocent love affair with a baseball cutie?

Dodger Groupie in Crestline


Dear Groupie,

As I read your letter, I am watching the ball game and screaming, “Just hit it!” Yep, lover boy strikes out again.

Don’t give your heart away to a newbie loser. Ditch the nervous egomaniac that strikes out in shame. Stop the moaning and groaning.

Next to you on the couch is the consistent at-bat winner. He’s the slugger bringing in the grand slam. He’s the bobble head of your life. Bring him another PBR and enjoy your hot dogs! Is your martini gin or vodka, shaken or stirred?



Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


groundwerks quarter page ad page 0001
rim bowling center generic 7 11 22 web
audio in english
audio en español

Dear Sidney – 09/21/2023

After reading your inspiring column for a year now, I still am not sure if you are male or female. I suppose not knowing is half the fun! Last Friday, my dear husband and kind provider of exactly 40 years drove us over for a beer or two and great music at Market Night...

Dear Sidney – 09/14/2023

Well, my one-week timeshare vacay at the beach is almost here and my two girlfriends are making plans to join me – for free, of course. They are also letting me know exactly how they want their week at the beach to go! This will be their ninth week at my condo. We are...

Dear Sidney – 09/07/2023

Dear Sidney, I really need some advice! I recently moved to Crestline from Southern Sacramento. I am a 70-year-old woman and I bought an old 1930s cabin by the lake, which I love! I have spent a few winters up here, but my neighbors still call me a mean name,...