I’m shaking in my boots. I just returned from a frightful trip down to Palm Springs on the 10 Freeway. Living in Crestline, I began my travels on the 138 up and over Crest Forest Drive in Top Town.

My first harrowing experience occurred when I merged into the intersection. Apparently, the car behind me needed to get to Hilltop Liquor ASAP, because he gunned it big time in order to pass me on that hill and make a left turn.

Heading DTH, after the turnouts, a large white van with its lights flashing caught up with me and swerved violently over the double yellow lines to get around me and, of course, had to brake at the bridge. He could not possibly see around the curves on that two-lane road. A gallon of gas is up to around $5.85 and the cost of replacing brakes is way up there. I have been coasting my way down to the stoplight at 40^th Street for 60 years. There are only a few flat areas where one needs to put the pedal to the metal.

Coming off the 210 East onto the 10 East, would you believe that some idiot passed me by using the shoulder as a traffic lane?

Returning home, the setting sun was in my eyes, but apparently not in anybody else’s. I’m doing 60 mph in the slow lane and cars are whizzing by doing 85. Where in the world is the California Highway Patrol? They could be making a bundle issuing speeding tickets.

And why is everybody always tailgating my sporty Crosstrek, honking at me and turning on headlights in broad daylight? Can’t they take their foot of the gas for a few seconds?

And, yes, I brake for squirrels!

Grandpa in the Slow Lane

Dear Grandpa,

Well, I hate to admit it, but I, too, have begun to slow down, which has the impatient generation a bit upset.

There is the old saying that a driver on the freeway should go with the flow of traffic, but I believe that staying in the slow lane is your right. Drivers should respect your choice to drive at a pace befitting your abilities. When your abilities lead you to putt along at, say, 45 mph, it may be time to take the side roads and not the blasted, gall darned freeways.

As far as driving on the winding mountain roads, say a prayer before you head out to Stater Bros in Lake Arrowhead. Seems that there’s a lot of new folks living up here that think the Rim of the World Highway is the Daytona 500.  It sure will be nice to have our Crestline Goodwin’s Market up and running again, so we won’t have to fight for our lives on State Route 173.

Use the turnouts, let the maniacs speed on by, and get yourself this bumper sticker: I Stop for Squirrels. It seems to be working for me.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.