At a Re-Imagining the Mountain Communities meeting held at Lake Arrowhead Resort on Thursday, Oct. 19, some two dozen Crestline, Lake Arrowhead and Running Springs community members and business owners and managers gathered to discuss ways to lure more visitors to the mountain communities, with the hope that they would spend more money to help local businesses become more profitable.

One community member complained that there are not enough motels and hotels in the mountaintop area to provide overnight lodging for visitors, which results in mostly day visitors, especially in Crestline, which only has two small motels available.

Another business owner suggested merging the half-dozen or so communities into one large city which could collect more bed taxes, which would then be returned to the city to spend on sponsoring local events that draw more visitors. This cityhood movement has been tried in the past in both Lake Arrowhead and more recently in Crestline. Because they are not cities, they are not qualified to get all the bed tax funds, except through the chambers of commerce, which are focused on building business and supporting business owners. Several names for a new, unified city were discussed, such as Lake Arrowhead, Rim Forest, Crestline and Rim of the World.

A new city, if actually approved by the county, would, of course, need to have a mayor and city council. Therefore, I am throwing my hat into the ring to become the mayor of this new city (I prefer the name Rim of the World as it sounds important and pompous). In fact, I pledge to provide free pizza for anyone who votes for me.

If elected, in addition to free pizza – Hey, I didn’t say how much free pizza – my mayoral platform would include a ban on e-cigarettes, completion of former Supervisor Paul Biane’s “sidewalks to nowhere” and a ban on all assault and nuclear weapons. To paraphrase former presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke, “Heck yeah (only he didn’t say ‘heck’), we’re going to take your AR-15, your AK-47 and, what, you were going to hunt for quail?” OK, so don’t vote for me… no pizza for you!

My agenda would include teardown of the unsightly Quonset hut former movie theater to accommodate construction of another parking lot for Crestline’s burgeoning business district, which would include a Sizzler restaurant. Yes, I know their steaks are mighty tiny, but they have a great salad bar and they are cheap, just like me. And, how about a Shakey’s, which also has a salad bar that can’t be beat, not to mention their Bunch of Lunch, which includes all-you-can-eat pizza, fried chicken and mojo potatoes… yum, yum!

Oh, we serve fun at Shakey’s, also pizza.

Hey, Roadhouse, your pizza is every bit as good as theirs, how about a Bunch of Lunch?

Additionally, I would re-establish the Crest Forest Fire Department, as well as Crestline’s very own police department (it used to have one). And, read my lips, no new taxes. Sure, this all sounds pricy, but I’ll do my darndest to secure federal grants.

Oh, we serve fun at Shakey’s, also pizza.

Keep it flyin’,

Uncle Mott