I am a man teetering on the edge of two romances. I’ve been in love before and I know what I must have in a woman, what I need in a mate. I dread falling in love in vain with the wrong woman.

How can I be sure if I give my heart to one that she will love me more than the other? If I trust in one and make the other one cry, because she learns that we are two, I couldn’t stand the pain.

Both of my dear ladies are healthy, wealthy and fun to be with. They each have their own home, Social Security check and all-wheel drive. We enjoy meeting up at the Bear Claw patio with our doggies, separately of course. I mean, the two have never crossed paths while in my presence. I’m sure if I don’t make my mind up soon and choose just one, that fatal calamity will have me losing both of them.

I’m 64 and this may be my last chance for true love. Any suggestions on how to weed out this mess?

Paul in Rimforest

Dear Paul,

To answer your question, life is too short. Don’t run and hide from true love, certainly not at age 64. My goodness, to my way of thinking “you’re just a kid.”

Over beers at The Claw, en masse confront your two lovelies. Share with them your deepest concerns, for you know that love is more than just holding hands. Do you have children still living with you . . . or that might come back? What interest are you getting on your CDs? Do you have a snow blower? Do you snore? Will you still need me; will you still feed me when I’m 65?

Make sure there are plenty of witnesses present when one of your intended shows her true colors and dumps an ice cold draft on the head of your future wife. Please mail a Save the Date postcard to Dear Sidney @ Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline 92325. I’m available for weddings, bar mitzvahs and funerals.

Sidney

Send your questions for Sidney to [email protected] or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.

This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.