When I look back on the past year, I find that I have written over 42,000 words as part of this weekly column, not to mention all the other words used in the news and information articles that I’ve written for this newspaper. Now that’s a lot of wrods.
Wait a darned tootin’ minute…back up. I just said wrods, yet you automatically understood it to mean words. How can this be? No, it wasn’t a typo, I actually meant to say wrods, and no it wasn’t Albert, my cat, trapsing accccccosss my keyboarrrrrd… Albert, cut that out! You’re just as bad as Alvin the chipmunk, which reminds me of one of my fravort Krismas snogs. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping off your nose.”
There is a perfectly good scientific explanation for this phenomenon (I like phenomenon, it’s one of those Don King wrods…oops) I shall explain this phenomenon in the following statement, which was sent to me recently by a friend in the UK (Helen of Leeds).
Aoccdring to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mataer what oredr the liters in a word are, the only imprmotnt thing is that the frist and lsat liter be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mes and you can still raed it wouthout porbelm. This is beuseae the human mynd dos not raed ervey liter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. There, now, that wasn’t hrad at all, or was it?
All this talk about wrods reminds me of a Bee Gees snog. Talk in everlasting words and dedicate them all to me and I will give you all my life, I’m here if you should call to me. You think that I don’t even mean a single word I say. It’s only words and words are all I have to take your heart away, ay, ay, ay. (“Words” – The Bee Gees – 1968) Man, Brother Barry Gibb sure does have a way with wrods… excuse me, I meant to say words, especially that echoing sound at the end of his song.
As we get closer to a new year, it’s important to remember to only use kind words, never naughty or unkind words that hurt someone else’s feelings. Unkind words can easily turn into fighting words. This whole world has too much fussing and fighting already.
Christmastime is the time to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, so have a holly, jolly Christmas.
Keep it flyin’,
Uncle Mott
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