Good grief, Charlie Brown, I nearly blew out my eyeballs tryin’ ta read my Happy Birthday musing in the Aug. 13 edition of this newspaper. The letters were so tiny I had ta get out my magnifyin’ glass ta read the whole danged thing and a tape measure to make sure this wuz really happinin’. I’ll tell ya what, though. If I had ta do it all over again, I’d add this silly tidbit to the end of the Happy Birthday song: And many more on channel four, and Scooby Doo on channel two.
And-a now, here’s something really silly. A friend of mine recently emailed me some interesting headlines. These are actual headlines that have appeared in other news journals. They are guaranteed to keep you in stitches…
Well, I thought they were funny, and I’ve taken the liberty of inserting my own silly comments, if you don’t mind.
Here’s the first one now: Expert Says Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that’s taking things a bit too far!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect] Tulsa Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide [They may be onto something]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [He probably was the battery charge] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren’t they fat enough already?] Kids Make Delicious Snacks [Taste like chicken]
Hospital Sued by Seven-Foot Doctors [Now those are some tall doctors] Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case [A good way to sleep off his condition] Farmer Bill Dies in House [I’m gonna complain to my congressman] Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents [Wouldn’t that make them a Siamese Trio] Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe [Keep farmers away from enraged cows!] British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply [Where else would you find them?]
And, finally, my personal favorite: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery – Hundreds Feared Dead [What else would you expect?]
Keep it flyin’,
Uncle Mott
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