I’m a 16-year-old girl and a Rim High student. My parents divorced last summer. I stayed with my dad, who moved in with my uncle, my mother’s brother, who was getting a divorce at the very same time.
Instantly, they both hooked up with giggly girlfriends. My younger sister went with our cheater mom and her creepy boyfriend to live down the hill in Redlands. I haven’t talked to my sister since the break-up.
My mom calls the house phone to leave mean and nasty messages to my dad and her brother. It’s an ugly mess and I’m embarrassed by it all.
Last week during Christmas vacation, a sheriff came to the door to check up on me. He told me my mother reported that where I was living was not safe, that I was left alone day and night, and that I might be having boys over and doing drugs! The officer was very nice and, after meeting me, he assured me that he was going to file a positive report and I was not to worry.
Now Mom is leaving horrible messages on the answering machine threatening to get custody of me. I don’t want to move off the mountain away from friends. I miss my sister, but I don’t want to live with my mom and her boyfriend, who happens to be married with kids. I don’t like living with my dad and uncle either. Sometimes, they leave me alone at night and, really, I’ve become sort of their housekeeper and cook. When the girlfriends come over for poker and drinks, I hide in my room.
Sidney, how can I make it through high school graduation and my 18th birthday to begin my new life as an adult still in one piece?
American Teen in Lake Arrowhead
Dear American Teen,
By the sound of things, it seems to me that your parents are still in their teens and shame on the both of them. My advice to anyone with children contemplating a divorce: grin and bear it until the kids are out of high school; save your offspring the embarrassment of your selfish behaviors.
If your mother does take your dad to court, be sure and be present so that you can voice your desires to the judge as to where you want to live. Also available in the family court system are child advocates, lawyers to speak for you.
Is there a relative up here on the mountain who would be able to house and care for a decent young lady as yourself? Is there a grandmother or aunt nearby who would very much enjoy having a responsible roommate to share hot chocolate with, to take shopping for a prom dress and to tuck into bed? I suppose I’m sounding a bit Pollyanna, because if there were such a dear, you would already be living with her.
Meet with your school counselors and explain the situation. They can give you much better advice than I can. I’m sure they’ve seen and heard it all. Keep your grades up and continue with all your activities. Don’t allow the antics of your parents to cause you to stumble even a little bit. Is there a high school club or discussion group for students of divorce? If not, start one. There will be dozens of members.
Whatever you do, please try your best to stay on the mountain and write to me again. We’ll all want to know how you’re doing.
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
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