As I look back on the year 2023 and all the troubling questions you have been asked, I feel that perhaps mine will be a bit trivial.
I am not a teenager without parents or an abused young mother with a husband who has abandoned her; but simply a so-called Karen reporting her neighbors who, as of January 6, continue to have their door wreath up, the Christmas lights twinkling, the reindeers blinking, antagonizing our street.
Also, these same morons have a total of five trashcans, none with lids of any kind. They insist on stuffing them to the brim and putting them all out on the street on Thursday late afternoon for Friday pick-up, when we all know that holiday pick-up is not on Friday, but on Saturday. The raccoons have, indeed, enjoyed a very merry and messy holiday season. And, no, I am not cleaning it up!
These people work from home and moved here from a city DTH in 2021. I’ve tried my best to steer them in the right direction by providing information about what’s what, but they don’t care or just don’t get it.
Right now alongside the trashcans—can you believe it—are three leaf bags full of forest green debris! Bless their hearts for doing some sweeping but, as you and I know, these bags will no longer be picked up by Burrtec and I’ll be looking at them until the plastic self-composts and the leaves find their way up and down the street. I’m sure they’ll be dumping their Christmas tree into their driveway before spring.
My husband turns a blind eye and tells me to do the same, but I just can’t. I keep a tidy, fire-safe yard and I expect everyone else to do the same.
Do you have any suggestions to keep me sane for the next 20 years on this mountain?
Good Intentions in CPP
Dear Good Intentions,
Now that your letter has taken up most of this column’s allotted space, I’m pressed to give you a sincere answer to your dilemma.
From my viewpoint, we should be worried about the great number of cars, operable and inoperable, that line our residential streets. These cars jut out; they block snowplows; they turn neighborhoods into ugly metal car lots. If and when a wildfire storms its way from the peaks of Cedarpines Park down Waters Drive east up Highway 138 and through Knapps Cutoff, those rusty gas tanks are going to go up in flames. That’s how my mind works.
Save yourself and move off the mountain to a mobile home park where the H.O.A. rules are strict. Why, I’ve heard that in some parks, in order not to offend anyone, you can’t even fly the American flag from your little vinyl front porch. But they do have swimming pools, hot tubs and putting greens included in the space rent, which can start around $800 per month. Additionally, in most cases, you get to pay property tax to the state of California on the mobile that sits on the space that you don’t own, but I’ll bet the neighbors will have the proper trash cans buttoned up tight and their Christmas lights will be down on New Year’s Day. Hang tight.
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
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