I’m crushed, angry and coming to the end of understanding. I’m tired of being silent, when I want to fight back and scream, but I don’t because of my fear of being estranged from my only child, my son, and from his 2-year-old daughter.
Unfortunately, the mother of my son left us when he was a teenager. And worse, she returned on his wedding day. She and my daughter-in-law became an evil team, making sure I am not included in anything.
I retired recently at the age of 66 and now have a lot of free time to devote to family, friends, community and my old Rottweiler, Charlie. My heart is broken over the fact that my son seems to scoff at our “relationship.” Seldom does he respond to a text message from me.
I’m embarrassed that, after all the years spent as—what I believed to be—a good father, I am treated with such disrespect. God has left the building, to be sure. Everything on their end seems to be a “secret,” or am I just paranoid?
Babbling in CPP
Dear Babbling,
You, my friend, are in the majority of baby boomers struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with their grown children. When I was first married, we were taught to include our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles in our social lives.
We didn’t have one birthday party without someone driving 20 miles out of their way to make sure that Aunt Matilda was present to get her slice of cake. Wedding showers, baby showers and christenings were attended by the entire herd, not just close friends of the same age. The old mingled with the young.
I don’t have enough information from your question as to “what in the heck” you may have done to upset your boy, but you say that his mother returning for his wedding set him off one way or another. His wife has chosen her mother-in-law over you. And we all know that trying to mix the two of you up on social occasions would be uncomfortable for—well, heck—for your son? Perhaps, Runaway Mom has requested that she not be around you?
Somebody here needs to grow up.
Take a deep cleansing breath. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you—well, another 10 years at least. Make the most of it. Fill your soul with new friends, more dogs and feed those squirrels; they’ll greatly appreciate your time and kindness, even if your son shuns the opportunity to spend time with you. He’s missing out. (And don’t forget to update your last will and testament.)
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
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