I just don’t wanna go anywhere anymore! I don’t care one danged bit to spend the night away from my little cabin. I don’t want to schlepp my shaving, shampooing and vitamin supplies across town or across the Pacific Ocean, for that matter. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.
Simply driving from Crestline to Lake Arrowhead Village to do my weekly shopping at Stater Bros. is catastrophic, especially having to dodge the potholes along the way, always with a tailgating bully behind me, flashing his halogen headlights at me. I’m fearful of running out of food, so I buy too much and it goes to waste.
Goodwin’s Market is to open in May and not soon enough for me. I will return to my daily grocery shopping and daily socializing at the post office. Rats, I love my miserable life! I don’t want to have some gall darned nutritious lunch at the lodge with a bunch of geezers, neither.
My question for you is: At 76 years old, am I okay or am I losing it?
Get Off My Lawn in Crestline
Dear Get Off My Lawn,
Personally, I just wanna drink coffee and pet my dog. In fact, I even have a cute little pillow that says so. If you don’t have a pet, you need to get one. Everybody loves somebody sometime, grumpy.
I feel as though people set traps for me, like inviting me to the 80th birthday party for a dear old friend in frickin’ Phoenix, Ariz. Spoil alert: I ain’t going. He chose to move way out there; I didn’t.
You’re A-OK by me but, at the senior luncheon a few weeks back, they did serve up cold cheeseburgers. You might think twice about turning down a free lunch now and again.
And I’m right there with ya at the re-opening of our village grocers. I saw and read somewhere that the new store will have a kind of coffee shop above the parking lot that looks out over the lake. We got lucky this year with a small amount of snow, but more than enough rain, so the construction could carry on.
I for one am never again getting on a plane; I’ve got too much baggage.
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
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