Dear Sydney,
I’m in a panic. I dread the fact – and it truly is a fact – that I have traded one vice for another! For health and weight reasons, I have quit the sin of alcohol. I live alone with my dog and we do enjoy our three martini lunches. They are sadly missed.
But what do I do with my time now that I’m not shaking up the ice, vermouth and gin? Well, I’ve gone full-bore into online SHOPPING. Do you know that you can just search a silly, innocent word and be treated to hours of fun?
Just put in collectibles and I am swept away to a wonderland of teeny, tiny vintage cars, retro radios that serve as flowerpots, pirate key chains to hidden treasure and miniature souvenirs from places around the world that I’ve never been to.
Last night after a three-hour splurge, I hit the submit button and fell asleep $300 poorer, but wistfully happy. It has gotten so bad that right now there is an order still in the packaging that I’m afraid to open; I don’t remember what the heck I’m going to find in there.
I’ve been reading your column and am aware that you, too, have given up the evils of drink. I commend you. But say you, how much is this sobriety going to end up costing me?
Temu Addict in Rimforest
Dear Addict,
I say enjoy the moments. Keep calm and at peace. Do not attempt to ride a bicycle or operate heavy machinery. Your body, mind and soul are in a tailspin.
Sober day No. 106 here. If you are like me, you were spending quite a large sum on party time. Purchase your trinkets and don’t look back. My thing is Yoplait yogurt frozen and buying tin signs with remarkable sayings on them. My redwood fence won’t take much more, but it seems to be working; the tin signs, I mean. God bless you.
Sidney
Send your questions for Sidney to Sidney@thealpinemountaineer.com or by snail mail to Dear Sidney, The Alpine Mountaineer, P.O. Box 4572, Crestline, CA 92325.
This advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
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