As if we didn’t have enough to worry about already – war, pestilence, plague, drought and Ice agents waiting in the wings – a consortium of 100 scientists recently announced that California is overdue for what’s being called a “super-storm” of biblical proportions. Yikes, where’s my umbrella?
Oh, where have you been my blue-eyed son? Oh, where have you been my darling young one? I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains. I’ve stumbled, I’ve walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways. I’ve stepped in the middle of seven sad forests. I’ve been out in front of a dozen dead oceans. I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall. (Bob Dylan – 1963)
According to this same consortium (“Consortium” has nothing to do with a hip-hop concert; it’s merely a group of experts that gather to find a solution to a major problem), these so-called super-storms (also known as Ark Storms) occur every 150 to 200 years or so, most recently in 1826. That one lasted a month and flooded a 300-mile stretch of the Central Valley, resulting in governor-elect Leland Stanford having to take a rowboat to his inauguration.
Such a storm today, said the consortium, could inundate the state with more than 10 feet of water and cause more than $300 billion in damage. The consortium, held in Sacramento and dubbed the “Ark-Storm Summit,” recommended that Californians make preparations, in case the storm hits.
Riders on the storm. Into this house we’re born. Into this world we’re thrown, like a dog without a bone, an actor out alone, riders on the storm. (The Doors – 1971)
Well, I don’t know about you, but I plan on constructing an ark. I’ve found some age-old instructions for doing so. They said to build it with gopherwood and make it 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high, but I’ll be danged if I can figure out how much a cubit is.
Anyhoo, do you suppose I’ll need a building permit for this backyard project? Since I can’t find any gopherwood, I guess I could use oakwood. There’s plenty of that around these parts. Besides that, Albert (my cat) ate all the gophers. I reckon it would only need to be big enough for me, the missus and Albert.
Some religious groups are already hailing this as the beginning of the “Rapture” and are predicting it will occur on or about April 15. Does this mean I still have to pay my taxes? I’m heading to Disneyland.
Keep it flyin’,
Uncle Mott
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