A friend of mine in the Bay Area recently emailed me some interesting headlines. These are actual headlines that have appeared in other news journals. They are guaranteed to keep you in stitches…
Well, I thought they were funny and I’ve taken the liberty of inserting my own silly comments, if you don’t mind.
Here’s the first one now: Expert Says Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that’s taking things a bit too far!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial.] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect.] Tulsa Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide [They may be onto something.]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge [He probably is the battery charge.] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren’t they fat enough already?] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [Never eat beans in space.] Kids Make Delicious Snacks [Taste like chicken.] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals Are Sued by Seven-Foot Doctors [Now those are some tall doctors.] Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case [A good way to sleep off his condition.]
Farmer Bill Dies in House [I’m going to complain to my congressman.] Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents [Wouldn’t that make them a Siamese trio?] Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe [Keep farmers away from enraged cows!] Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 [Where do I sign up?] British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply [Where else would you find them?]
And, finally, my personal favorite news headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery – Hundreds Feared Dead: [What else would you expect?]
Keep it flyin’
Uncle Mott
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