Mountain Musings with Uncle Mott

It Never Rains in Southern California

Man, that sure was a humdinger of a rainstorm we had back about a week ago, before the blizzard showed up. It was raining cats and dogs and I happened to step in a puddle, which got my Vans all muddy, but not as muddy as my Mottmobile after the so-called dirty snowstorm. I mean to say it was raining so hard that there were alligator lizards in the air.

Got on board a westbound 747, didn’t think before deciding what to do. Oh, that talk of opportunities, TV breaks and movies rang true, sure rang true. Seems it never rains in Southern California, seems I’ve heard that kind of talk before. It never rains in California, but girl don’t they warn ya? It pours, man it pours. (“It Never Rains in Southern California” – Albert Hammond – 1972)

Well, here we are in the middle of a gol durned blizzard, with frozen alligator lizards in the air. Think I’ll get out my fishin’ net and grab a few, thaw them out and feed ‘em to the cats. Speakin’ ‘bout the cats, it’s so cold that I believe it’s gonna be a three-cat night, not to be confused with Three Dog Night. Actually, it’s gonna be more like a two-cat night, since we lost Ginger. He’s either in a home for orphans or he’s imitating a manhole cover on Lake Drive.

It’s right chilly outside now. Well, you know what they say? How about you, Willy, what do they say? Uh…How about some hot chili stew? No, Willy, they always say, Chilly today, hot tamale…hardy, har, har.

OK, here we go with another one. What is the best kind of transportation during a blizzard? Nice try, but it’s not a snowmobile, it’s an Ice Cycle with studded tires… Ha, ha, ha… I got you on that one!

OK, let’s try another one. What do you call two idiots in a blizzard? No, not bidiots. They’re called Numb and Number.

Seems it never rains in Southern California, seems I’ve often heard that kind of talk before. It never rains in Southern California, but girl, don’t they warn Ya? It pours, man, it pours.

That’s enough silliness for now; let’s talk about something serious, like what you should do during a blizzard. The best thing to do is stock up on groceries ahead of time and extra batteries in case the power goes out. A good gage of how severe the incoming storm is the length of the checkout line at the supermarket.

By now, you’ve probably noticed The Alpine Mountaineer’s newest advertiser, KQLH-92.5 FM. They’re based in Redlands and mostly play favorites from the 1950s, 60s and 70s, with never more than two minutes between songs. They’re my go-to station for music, news and up-to-date weather. And when’s the last time you heard Rick Dees on the radio?  Soon, you may be hearing someone else you know. Stay tuned for more.

Keep it flyin’,

Uncle Mott

Editor’s note: Can’t dial up KQLH on your radio (reception can be spotty here on the mountain)? No worries! Just log on to their website, https://kqlhradio.webs.com, and stream it live.