It’s that time of the year when we need to start making your home and mine safe from the ravages of a wildfire, which could occur at any moment now that weeds and chaparral have grown taller due to the recent storm activity.

In addition to removing all the limbs and branches on your property so they don’t get tangled up in your weed-eater string (it’s actually vinyl), which will slow down your progress, it’s important to wear thick clothing and thick, steel-toed boots, just in case you encounter a rattlesnake, which I often do, since they tend to come out hibernation around Mother’s Day.

I don’t like spiders and snakes and that ain’t what it takes to love me you fool, like I wanna be loved by you. Well, I think of that girl from time to time, I call her up when I’ve got a dime. I say, “Hello, baby,” she says, “Ain’t you cool. I don’t like spiders and snakes, you fool, you fool. (“Spiders and Snakes – Jim Stafford – 1974)

Also, be sure to wear protective eyewear to protect your eyes from rocks and debris kicked up by the weed eater. I’ve learned from experience that tilting the weed eater to the left will usually propel rocks and debris away from you, whereas tilting it to the right tends to propel them directly at you.

Well, my vinca garden is getting thick and lush with more of those beautiful periwinkle blossoms. The Missus always says that I have a brown thumb when it comes to gardening, but what does she know? She has a brown thumb when it comes to cooking and she burns my toast. (Shhh, don’t tell her I said that)

Honey, someone’s at the door, would you see who it is? Oh my gosh, it’s Old Man Periwinkle from Match Game. I didn’t know you were still alive and kickin’. “What’s that you say, sonny?” Well, you better not kick too hard, or you might kick the bucket.

The truth is I really enjoy getting out into the fresh air to tend to my vinca and rose gardens by watering them and removing weeds by pulling them up by the roots so they don’t grow back.

Rock musician Stephen Stills is apparently a fan of gardens since, while living in the UK many moons ago, his garden was tended by a fellow named Johnny. He said the gardener came with the house when he bought it, so it really was Johnny’s Garden.

There’s a place I can get to where I’m safe from the city blues, and it’s green and it’s quiet, only trouble was I had to buy it, and I’ll do anything I got to do, cut my hair and shine my shoes and keep on singin’ the blues, If I can stay here in Johnny’s Garden.

Well, I ain’t about to cut my hair and I never shine my Vans footwear. Well, it’s time to water the vinca, so I’ll see you again next week, same time, same bat channel.

Keep it flyin’,

Uncle Mott