You may recall that last month I ran a musing titled “Blow Up Your TV.” It railed against all the stupid TV sitcoms and other idiotic television shows. Back in 1961, FCC Chairman Newton Minnow referred to American commercial television programming as a “vast wasteland.” He sure got that right, you bet your sweet bippy he did (Soupy Sales reference). Afterall, it was American author and social critic H.L. Mencken who once said, “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”
Anyhoo, getting back to blowing up your TV, that is exactly what happened to me recently when the Missus left the bedroom window open on one of those hot, sultry summer evenings and invited hundreds, or maybe even thousands, of teensy, tiny flying insects into our bedroom, where they immediately flocked to our brightly lit-up bedroom TV screen right in the middle of Steven Colbert’s opening monologue. Colbert’s Late Show is an exception to Newton Minnow’s proclamation.
OK, so what did I do to get rid of all of these tiny intruders? Well, I grabbed a spray bottle of Windex and sprayed the heck out of the TV screen. It worked quite well, at first, and snuffed all of the tiny intruders. “Way to go,” I thought to myself. But then something else happened… the whole dang TV screen turned into a beautiful rainbow of colors, as Colbert continued his monologue.
Uh, oh, the TV never did return to normal, as the Missus began yelling at me for being such an idiot. I guess Mencken was right, after all. Folks, never do this to your TV, at least not when it is plugged in. I feel like the fool on the hill.
Day after day alone on a hill, the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still, but nobody wants to know him, they can see that he’s just a fool and he never gives an answer. But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down and the eyes in his head see the world spinning around. (“Fool On The Hill” – The Beatles – 1967)
OK, another topic just popped up: What the heck is going on with KTLA Channel 5? It’s no longer on the air for Direct TV, Spectrum and Dish users due to the non-renewal of the station’s contract with Next-Star, which owns KTLA and a host of other TV networks.
Actually, the loss of Channel 5 is no biggie to me, since they broadcast little actual news and, instead, concentrate on movie reviews and movie star interviews. The Missus, however, misses Penn & Teller’s Fool Us magic show.
Fortunately, the Missus won a brand, spankin’ new television in a recent raffle event, so we can now watch TV in our bedroom, with the windows closed, of course.
TV used to be a lot more entertaining back when I was a kid and I could watch Laurel & Hardy, The Little Rascals, Sheriff John’s Lunch Brigade, Engineer Bill and Tom Hatten’s Popeye cartoons. Ah, yes, the good old days.
Keep it flyin’,
Uncle Mott
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