According to astronomers, Asteroid Apophis, a ~340-meter (1,115 ft) near-Earth object will make an exceptionally close, safe flyby on April 13, 2029, passing within 32,000 km (20,000 miles) of Earth, closer than many geo-stationary satellites, only a short three years from now.
I know that sounds like a long time from now, but just the same, I’m gonna start digging a bunker deep below the grassy knoll in my backyard which will be well-stocked with Roadhouse Pizza. My favorite pizza is Hawaiian Delight and, if you haven’t tried it, it’s even better than Shakey’s Hawaiian Delite.
When the moon hits your eye like a biga pizza pie, that’s amore. When the world seems to shine like you’ve had too much wine, that’s amore. (“That’s Amore” – Dean Martin – 1958)
According to scientists, this event only occurs once in a decade, or so… just ask Professor Proton, since he knows all about asteroids on the Big Bang Theory. Even better, ask local astrophysicist and president of the Mountain Skies Astronomical Society, Dr. Lorann Parker.
Anyway, getting back to pizza pie, “one-a my” best friends in high school was Jim Italiane, whose mama “could-a” speak fluent Italian, but poor Jimmie couldn’t speak a lick of Italian to save his life. Betcha didn’t know I could speak Italian, like I’ve just (poorly) demonstrated above.
As for asteroid danger, according to astrophysicists (try saying astrophysicist fast three times), (“astrophysicists, astrophysicists, astrophysicists”), the James Webb telescope discovered that several asteroids would be passing near Earth in early 2026, with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena monitoring 33-foot and larger asteroids passing within close range in March of 2026. While these posed no threat, “they say,” they help train their tracking capabilities.
In other words, no large, city-killing asteroid is on a verified collision course for Earth in the immediate future. That’s easy for them to say. Oh yeah, sure but March 2026 ain’t quite over yet, baby. Nonetheless, I’m hunkering down in my bunker. Have you ever hunkered in your bunker? You oughta try it. (Yummy! Pizza!)
OK, so here’s something else you may not know. Did you know that if a clown puts his makeup on upside down, when he stands on his head, he’ll have a smile on his face, instead of a frown? That’s what I thought … but how would you know that if you haven’t tried it? Well, now you do know! (Or did you even want or care to know?)
When the moon hits your eye like a biga pizza pie, that’s amore.
Keep it flyin,’
Uncle Mott
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